Has anyone ever wondered how conspiracy theorists come up with some of their batty stuff? Do they actually conspire? Is there some sort of Tri-Battiest Commission that meets in secret to concoct their wild plots?
The problem with paranoia is that you never know for certain if it's triggered by fantasy or a hidden truth. That's due, in large part, because the credibility of government, the media and other corporations is in the toilet.
So maybe there has been a seemingly impossible coverup -- there really are extraterrestrials at Area 51. Maybe there are Apache helicopters flying over this flat earth, ready to invade. And maybe the "birthers" know something we don't -- that President Obama was not born in the United States.
No, not the Birchers. They're from a different era. These are the birthers, the trendiest ranters these days. They are dominating the current babble by spreading word that Obama was really born in Kenya or somewhere outside U.S. borders, which would mean he's not eligible to hold our highest office because the Constitution requires a natural-born American. Of course, his mother was a citizen, which many scholars consider an adequate constitutional qualifier.
Never mind the ample documentation that he was born in the U-S-of-A. There is an amazing number of wishful thinkers demanding answers from their homes on the fringe. They refuse to believe the proof. They demand more. And if the president refuses to go along and produce his original birth certificate because he might not want to dignify this craziness, well, they're not going to buy that. One of the great things about madness is its certainty.
Even a voice of the wingnuts like Michael Medved worries, according to Politico, that the movement is being led by "crazy, nutburger, demagogue, money-hungry, exploitative, irresponsible, filthy conservative imposters." And Medved knows from "crazy nutburgers."
But there's that nagging little thought in the back of one's head that softly whispers maybe there's something to this. Boy, are we going to be sorry when we learn those pictures of aliens in the tabloids are not fake.
After all, how many more shocks can we, as a nation, take? Forget about health care, economic collapse, North Korea, Iran, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Michael Jackson investigation. Alan Keyes, that perennial candidate of those really in the know, is quoted in the same Politico article as saying the "birthing" controversy is "the greatest crisis this nation has ever seen." He warns of "chaos, confusion and civil war."
Keyes never was all that great with understatement. But we should never underestimate the tenacity of those who are committed to any particular conspiracy theory, or those who love all of them. They dream of the day when they can say "I told you so!!!"
Finally, did you notice that the subject didn't come up at the president's news conference Wednesday night? Of all the reporters there, no one asked any birther questions. Obviously, they're all part of the coverup.
We are in danger, America. The clock is ticking. Of course, it's a cuckoo clock.