February 27, 2008
Hillary, Barack, Randy, Paula and Simon (Bob Franken)
@ 9:46 am
For this I missed “American Idol”? It’s time to be honest. Last night’s Clinton-Obama debate in Cleveland made me wish Hillary had really meant it when she said she wasn’t going to show up.
Come to think of it, it would have been much more compelling had they folded it into the “Idol” show.
Can’t you imagine it? Hillary finishes her rendition of that Ohio favorite “My Nasty NAFTA Man” and now it’s time to face the judges.
Randy: “I gotta tell you, Dawg. That wasn’t a good song for you. You didn’t really bring a lot of conviction to it since we’ve heard you hum such a different tune before.”
Hillary (angrily): “You have no right to call me a DOG! Why do we still have to endure such condescending treatment? If you don’t watch yourself, I’ll do a Helen Reddy selection. And while we’re at it, why do I always have to perform first?!”
Paula (After mumbling something incoherent): “Actually, I don’t agree with Randy. I don’t think it matters how you dance around your past versions of the NAFTA song. The way you’re singing it now might be your best hope of getting the votes here in Ohio. It’s now or never.”
Simon: “I hated it. What bothers me most of all is that you showed such promise in the early stages but lately everything you’ve done has been nothing but dismal. I don’t know who’s been giving you advice, but they’re obviously not worth what you’re paying them. You could save everyone a lot of trouble if you just pulled out.”
Instead, Hillary stomps off muttering something about being a “fighter” and providing universal healthcare for everyone but Randy and Simon. Now it’s time for the rock star.
Barack: “HELLLLOOOO CLEVELAND!!!” (That’s how he always begins his act. He then brings the audience to a frenzy as he belts out the year’s big hit, “Loose Change.” It takes quite awhile for the applause to stop, particularly in the press section.)
Randy: “I don’t know what to say, man. You really nailed it. I don’t know what the words really mean but the tune sure sounds nice. Hussein, you are my MAIN man.”
Paula: “You’re kinda cute. Maybe we can talk after we go off the air.”
Simon: “Paula. We’ve warned you not to do that. But I gotta tell you, Barack. You’re a real show-business winner. My only criticism is that outfit you’re wearing. It looks like it could be from Kenya or something. I’d lose the costume.”
It could have been worse. This could have been Texas, where we would have to listen to Ivy Leaguers Hillary and Barack pretend they’re are at home with country music. Wherever they are, it doesn’t look like they’re going to be singing duets anytime soon. Given the nasty tone, we should call this show “American Snide-ol.”
We’ll know the vote tally in less than a week. We’re all watching very closely. Unless candidate Hillary Clinton wins a big victory, the next we see her debate could well be on the History Channel.