It’s easy to get jaundiced covering politics and government after awhile. So much of what happens in Washngtonworld is so predictable it’s like the old joke about old jokes. They’re so familiar someone assigns numbers to them.
Even after the historic election of Barack Obama, the collapse of the economy, and the sweeping agenda he’s proposing, the narrative is falling into the old joke patterns.
Just for laughs, let’s compile a top 10 list for the comedians here in DC. They appear in no particular order.
1) (Country’s name) erupts into angry ant-government demonstrations , followed by repression. (President’s name) administration spokesmen say the best course for the US government is to not get too deeply involved for fear of scuttling vital, delicate negotiations. (Opposition party) critics bitterly complain on (Fox News) (MSNBC) that President (name) is failing to stand up for American principles.
2) (Name) Bank has paid back federal stimulus money much more quickly than economists felt would be economically prudent. Although the bank is still receiving (number) billions in federal aid Treasury Secretary (name) put out a statement saying the “pay back is another indication our economic turnaround plan is working”. (Name) Bank officials deny the move has anything to do with executive compensation restrictions attached to government funds.
3) The (Congressional Budget Office) ( Independent Budget Monitor) released a study today that estimated the cost of President (Name)’s (Name) Initiative. The amount exceeded by (number) Billion dollars any earlier projections. (Party) opposition leaders immediately blasted on (Fox News) (MSNBC) the administration for “dangerous fiscal irresponsibility which will saddle our children and grandchildren with crippling debt”. At the White House Press secretary called the report “sobering but added “This just demonstrates the urgency for reforming the broken (name) system.
4) The American Civil Liberties Union has criticized the (Name) national security legislation as a “dangerous threat to civil liberties”. Government spokesmen who refused to be identified because they were not authorized to speak about top secret matters they knew nothing about because they were in no way connected to the proposed bill told the (media name) that the measure is necessary to continue the War Against (name war), and that safeguards are in place to protect the fundamental (name) rights of innocent Americans.
5) (Muslim name) who has filed a lawsuit claiming that his civil rights were violated when he was identified by a government (name the privacy intrusion) sweep, then kidnapped and sent to (classified) by the (CIA, FBI) where he was tortured, will be unable to proceed with his legal action after lawyers for the (President’s name) Justice Department successfully argued the litigation would reveal “State Secrets”
6) US military officials in (war zone) acknowledged that (high number) of civilians had been killed in an attack run by US (name drone) (B-1) aircraft in which (number) ton bombs were dropped on a (school) (mosque). Originally, the Pentagon insisted (low number) had been killed and that all were enemy fighters. Survivors in the (country) village were bitter and said they would fight “the murderous Americans”. Defense officials, meanwhile announced a new program aimed at “winning the hearts and minds” of the (country) population.
7) (President) administration lawyers cited concerns that releasing pictures that show American interrogators torturing captives would inflame anger against US forces.
8) Supreme Court nominee (name) issued a statement today announcing (he) (she) would resign from the (gender)-only (name) club after (opposition party) supporters had accused (him) (her) on (Fox News) (MSNBC) of (chauvinist) (reverse) sexism.
9) (Politician) has expressed outrage after (Commentator or Comedian) said that (his) (her) daughter had been (”pimped out) (”knocked up”) (whatever). (Commentator) (Comedian) denied he was fanning the flames of the controversy to improve ratings.
10)(Newspaper) (Radio TV) organizations held still another meeting to try and figure out why fewer and fewer (readers) (viewers) were paying attention to these stories.