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Slim Pickin's

December 28, 2007
Slim Pickins (Bob Franken)
@ 3:19 pm

I am so glad I don’t live in Iowa or New Hampshire. I will not have to make my choice between Democrats …

* Hillary Clinton, who amassed most of the “experience” that underlies her campaign as a “Wife Of”;
* Barack Obama, who is still trying to approve he’s more than an “empty suit”with an open collar shirt;
* John Edwards, where the emptiness might be his rhetoric about helping thehave-nots, echoing in much of that 28,000 square foot mansion;
* Bill Richardson, Chris Dodd and Joe Biden, who are proving that REALexperience doesn’t mean a damned thing in politics;
* Dennis Kucinich, who has suddenly been running as “HUSBAND Of.”


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And Republicans …

* Mitt Romney, whatever he is;
* Mike Huckabee, the “Christian leader” of the band;
* Rudy Giuliani, who is trying to figure some way to make Sept. 11 Election Day and how to avoid being a witness against associates;
* Fred Thompson, for whom the race is neither a sprint nor a marathon. It’s more like a stroll;
* John McCain, who has had more ups and downs than a yo-yo;
* Ron Paul, who, if he were consistent, would run as the candidate of the Survivalist party and his first act if elected president would be to resign.

Am I forgetting someone? Definitely. Mercifully.

My message, then, to the people of Iowa is this: Good luck. You might be remembered as the ones who started one of these people on the road to the presidency. Remembered and blamed.

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