May 31, 2017

A HELPING HAND

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, MAY 30, 2017
BY BOB FRANKEN

A HELPING HAND
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Melania and Donald Trump have a problem, and obviously the hands-on approach isn’t working.
Twice on their overseas trip, video showed the president reaching for the first lady’s hand and her avoiding his like the plague. Let’s not forget that this is a guy who is a germaphobe, so Melania shouldn’t have to worry about the digital plague -- no matter what size hubby’s digits are. Still, there she was; one time pretending to deal with her hair when he reached out and the other clearly swatting away his attempt at photo-op affection. Even if that was her rebelling against the irritatingly phony handholding charade between politicians and their spouses -- remember Bill and Hillary Clinton used to grit their teeth and lock fingers -- Melania’s refusals to touch paws gave the world pause.
The video of her dexterous rejections went so viral that not only did they infect the internet, but they contaminated every TV news show on the planet. Even newspapers in their digital (pardon the pun) editions offered links to Melania’s refusal to link with Donald.
So then what happened? Obviously somebody performed an appendagectomy, which was accomplished by super-gluing their palms together. I defy you to spot a picture of them anymore where they are not holding hands. They may be scowling, but they are determined not to be seen together in any way but attached at the wrist.
In their desperate effort to stifle speculation that all is not well behind the closed doors of their gilded relationship, they are giving not just one finger to the trolls, but all of theirs. In Trumpworld, after all, image is everything. That’s a variation on perception is reality; but with all Trump’s lies, there is no reality. Alternative facts, yes. Reality, no.

So now Mel and Don are presented as a happy couple -- as happy a couple as can be when both are scowling most of the time. There are some practical problems with the new hand-holding mandate. First of all, often it’s awkward. It’s not always easy for a 70-year-old man to reach for Melania when she’s occupying her usual space somewhat behind him (which explains why Mr. Trump was so comfortable with the Saudis). Besides, as Donald himself explained on the video that’s not usually where he grabs a woman.

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May 2, 2017

POTUS AND HIS PEEPS

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
BOB FRANKEN
FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, MAY 2, 2017

POTUS AND HIS PEEPS
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Let’s be real, people: When President Donald Trump constantly savages journalists for reporting “fake news,” he’s faking it.
The man-child has a constant need for the attention that only mass media can provide. He watches cable news obsessively, reads the papers the same way, particularly the New York Post and, with someone there to explain the big words, The New York Times. When any report falls short of outright adulation, he throws a tantrum. And his followers roar their approval. The voted for him because they were angry at being left behind, angry at anybody and everybody identified as part of the “establishment” that they don’t really comprehend -- they still are, but they love their Donald.
So it was on his 100th night in office. He spoke in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, a state chosen because it had raised a big finger to that establishment and voted for him. “I could not possibly be more thrilled than to be more than 100 miles away from Washington swamp ... with much, much better people,” he bellowed. It also was more than 100 miles away from the subdued, but still pretentious, White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, that annual event where self-important media types and self-important Hollywood celebs mingle with self-important political types to tell each other how important they are. It was a little deficient in the celeb department; most of those stayed away, still getting over their post-traumatic stress disorder after Hillary’s loss. She wasn’t there either. In fact, the political ranks were depleted because the leaders of the Trump administration were boycotting in support (voluntary or coerced) of their great leader Donald Trump, who declined his invitation to attend. He became the first sitting chief executive not to show up since Ronald Reagan, who did have an excuse: He was recovering from being shot.
Trump’s excuse was that he wanted to be as far as he could from the gathering of journalists who “are a disgrace ... incompetent, dishonest people.” Not only do they spread “fake news,” he says, but they work for “failing” organizations and are overall “enemies” of America.

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April 26, 2017

THE HUNDRED DAY SHAM

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, APRIL 25, 2017
THE HUNDRED DAY SHAM
BOB FRANKEN

Those who worry that they are closed-minded because they can’t conceive of agreeing with anything Donald Trump says or does can stop beating up on themselves--along with him. He’s finally come up with something sensible, calling the intense focus on any president’s first 100 days in office a “ridiculous standard.” It is ridiculous, largely media hype, a contrived way to judge how a new administration is doing.
For the record, Trump is doing a miserable job. He’s a reverse King Midas. Everything he touches is tarnished, and it’s not even gold to begin with, except maybe fool’s gold. Still, the hundred-day marker means very little. The first one that means anything politically comes 650-plus days in, on Nov. 6, 2018.
That would be the day of the midterm elections in the United States, when Americans choose a full House of Representatives, 435 seats, and a third of the Senate, 34 this time around. Right now, both are in GOP hands, and Democrats have a steep uphill battle to gain control of either. But they are hoping mightily that Trump will have made such a mess of things that they will overcome the odds against them, and crawl over the rubble of his mistakes to somehow take back Capitol Hill, or at least half of it.
There are several problems with that strategy, of course. First of all, Democrats have this bad habit of beating themselves -- they are usually their own worst enemies. Exhibit A would be their most recent presidential campaign. Hillary Clinton should have scampered to victory, far outdistancing the buffoon running against her. Instead, she hung a “kick me” sign on herself and stood there while Donald Trump did just that. That was after Trump had done everything he could to divide his party.
But the Democrats, who specialize in party division, came up with antagonisms of their own. Suddenly, it was Bernie Sanders and the Sandernistas fighting Hillary Clinton and the Clintonistas. The infighting overwhelmed the outfighting, sapping the strength and enthusiasm of Democrats, who often were more intent on settling grudges than doing in Donald Trump. Instead of riding the Clinton coattails, Democratic candidates for Congress tripped on them. And they have an innate ability to do so again in the midterms.

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April 13, 2017

AWFUL QUESTIONS, NO ANSWERS

FROM NORTH AMERICA SYNDICATE, 300 W 57th STREET, 41st FLOOR, NEW YORK, NY 10019
CUSTOMER SERVICE: (800) 708-7311 EXT. 236
BOB FRANKEN
FOR RELEASE TUESDAY, APRIL 11, 2017

AWFUL QUESTIONS, NO ANSWERS
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We don’t know if President Donald Trump was purely motivated to fire cruise missiles at a Syrian military airfield. Was he genuinely horrified by the nerve-gas attack on a rebel-held town ordered by dictator Bashar Assad? His strongest critics insist that Trump saw the revulsion at the deaths of the innocents, including children, really and cynically as an opportunity to boost his approval ratings, which have spiraled ever downward during the constant embarrassments that have defined the earliest days of his administration. There is no way to know.
He wouldn’t be the first president whose commander in chief actions raised that same woeful question. In August 1998, Bill Clinton ordered a missile attack of his own, against the Al-Shifa pharmaceutical manufacturing facility in Khartoum, Sudan. He contended that it supplied chemical weapons to al-Qaida, although there has never been any actual proof of that, to this day. What is a fact is that it took place on the day that Monica Lewinsky was scheduled to testify before a grand jury in connection with, well, you know. Suddenly, the intense news focus shifted from a Washington courthouse to across the world.
I know this because, during my CNN phase, I covered the various Clinton scandals and was set for another day of live shots, tons of them, to service all the news networks in the Turner Broadcasting empire. Then came word from the White House of the rain of missiles on Khartoum, and suddenly I had nothing to do. No live shots for me. I couldn’t buy airtime. More than once I’ve quoted a colleague who observed, “We (the news networks) can only overcover one story at a time.” It was all Khartoum, all the time.
To this day, we don’t have any idea how the Monica factor influenced the Clinton calculations, any more than we do about Trump’s incentives. As a distraction, it ultimately didn’t work; four months later, President Bill Clinton was impeached. As for President Donald Trump, the early positive responses literally gushed. Suddenly, the pundits couldn’t be ecstatic enough about how Trump had been soooooo commander in chiefish, even the ones who had just moments before described him as soooooo buffoonish.

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AMERICA'S PASTIMES

CRASHING DOWN TO EARTH

WHERE THERE'S SMOKE THERE'S LIAR

SKINNY BUT OVERWEIGHT

THE NATIONAL ILLNESS

OPEN MOUTH, TALK STUPID

THE TWITTER TANTRUM SUBTERFUGE

WASHINGTON SWAMP QUICKSAND

WHO CARES WHAT WE THINK?

THE INCOMPLETE ENEMIES LIST

HOW MUCH DO YOU TIP THE SPY?

THE SUPREME GAMES

BRASHMAN'S EGO

MA'AM'SPLAINING "RESISTANCE"

THE PRESIDENT TRUMP WAGER

CIRCUS MINIMUS

TWITTER OF THE UNIVERSE

POLITICS IS A MUCH TOUGHER GAME

2016 PRE-POST MORTEM ON MSNBC

MSNBC AND ME

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